Monday, October 3, 2011

I love to travel but I hate to arrive

This weekend has felt more like a whole week passing! Oktoberfest was so much fun, but it has also been the most excruciatingly tiring weekend of my life! My body was actually in pain from the lack of sleep and very bad eating/drinking habits we acquired. We were up by 6am every morning and to top things off I caught a cold on the way to Munich so that was annoying! But it was definitely a great experience, and I'm so glad I went. Munich is beautiful, and I love exploring new places. I got back to Paris this morning at 6 am and pretty much spent the whole day in bed, recovering. I sort of feel like I need a vacation from my vacation right now! I missed all my classes today too since I was in no shape to go anywhere, but I have decided that it's time to take things more seriously now, and actually sort my life out, with naps not counting as a viable substitute!

Inside one of the tents at Oktoberfest
It's nice to be back, when I looked out the window and saw road signs for Place d'Italie and Bastille, I actually felt like I was finally home. This city is slowly becoming mine, and that feels wonderful. I remember after having lived in Madrid for two years, I still felt like a complete stranger to the place. I remember looking out the window one night as I drove through the city and feeling so entirely alienated and lonely in a city that was supposed to be my place, but it never really was. I guess the people make all the difference, and the people I have met here are amazing. And when I look back at who I was back then, I want to run back there and hug the younger me, and tell her that everything is going to be okay. I wonder if she'd believe me.

But anyway, right now, as always when I come back from somewhere, I feel like  starting anew, I feel motivated for everything fresh. A better lifestyle, more dedication to things that matter, and more beauty. I saw this picture of Lindsey Wixson today and I felt so inspired to work towards a better image. I'm not really a fan of hers, but I love her style in this photo, and I want to love my own too. But to be honest, it's harder than I imagined. I used to be so wrapped up inside the dieting world, I guess it comes with the disorder, that I was triggered by everything... a quote, a picture, a thought... But now it no longer works on me. I look at all these starving lifestyles and sayings along the lines of 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels' and I find it so cruel, so thoughtless to treat yourself in such a screwed up way. I think that even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to do this the unhealthy way.

I really need to get some sleep now though, my sleep deprived body can take no more!

Face the facts of being what you are, for that is what changes what you are - (Kierkegaard )


  1. Thank you for your journal of your weekend in Munich.. we have aquaintances in Germany and I hear of their Oktoberfest:)and their Christmas markets:)

    Sounds like you had fun..

    It is nice to hear how you feel about Paris..
    You have experienced so much for such a young age:)

    I'll keep reading and learn....

  2. I remember that when I moved to a larger city and felt lonely, I use to get into my car at midnight or 1:00 am and drive around it to familiarize myself, and slowly layer by layer it started to introduce itself to me until finally one day it did feel like home! Glad you are feeling that way about Paris being yours and sounds like you had a blast in Munich!

  3. I like being in cities unfamiliar. It's like resetting the meter. Possibilities slink from shadows. Sometimes you sound real impatient. Smell the now. It's what's real. Screw the rest until you've done that.