Sunday, October 9, 2011

Life as I know it

I realized something today. The world is no longer a beautiful flower garden, it is filled with thorns and rocks, and you have to fight and fight dirty to survive. There is no longer such a thing as real friendships, the social status defines it all. I realized something today. All my life I have strived to be on the upper side of things, and I have all the potential in the world to be there, but today, as I found myself down at the bottom, all I felt was nothing. If you hear my raised voice, regardless of what I'm saying, even if I'm screaming I've given up, I haven't. A raised voice is a fight, I'm fighting and I'm going, pushing forward. My voice was quiet today. I gave up. I didn't fight, or protest, or even complain. I quietly did everything that was asked of me, and realized just how clueless the people closest to me can be. How people who know you better than anyone else will still see the world revolving around themselves, and not imagine that it could be any other way.

All I feel now is serenity. It's like the calm that comes after a storm. I am not there yet, everywhere I long to be, and all I want is to say goodbye to life as I know it, and quietly, silently, without a voice, work towards what I need. Today I haven't turned twenty, it was just a symbol, a celebration of what I'm turning soon, but inside, I feel like I aged a hundred years. Today was a stepping stone into the future, today I matured by too many years, and as always, with maturity, comes a little disappointment.

1 comment:

  1. Nice to be reminded of our 'inconsequentiality'. Planets revolve. People who insist that others revolve around them had better be fuckin suns.