Tuesday, December 18, 2012


I am going to try and come back to blogging.

I've been better lately,so much better. My sisters moved back home which has been tremendous help! I don't really have any friends here so I'd never been more alone as I was for the last few months. It was miserable. I went to work in the morning and sat at home after, and that was my routine. But now we go out, and do things, and I feel like a human again.

I miss him, but its different. He's no longer on my mind all day, and I no longer wait for his name to appear. I've sort of forgotten him. Let him go. But I'm still all alone. And I don't believe in it ever getting better.

Other than that, I'm now working at a real estate agency which is not too fun. But I need money so there's nothing else to do. In case I haven't explained that earlier, after everything that happened this summer I had to take a year off uni, but now I'm not even sure if I can go back next year as my family is broke and we're in a desperate situation. I hate my father for having triggered this. But whatever, cant grieve forever. I'm working and I'm doing nothing remarkable with my life. I wrote a lot of my novel in the last couple of months but now I've reached a stall. I can't write, nor do I want to. Maybe it's the anti depressants. I've become dumber. I literally cant think. Things that used to be instinct to me now feel foreign and I cant grasp them. I want to talk to my doctor about going off them but I know my family will be against it, which makes this almost impossible. But I hate being like this. If I'm not writing, I'm wasting my time. Writing is the only thing that can get me out of this.

And that's pretty much it really. I have no revolutionary ideas to share anymore. I've gone dry.


  1. Well..it is nice to see the good news..and more

    Congratulations on forging forward..and hoping..on waiting for the next day..it will come~
    I feel it:)

    Don't think about what your dad has done..that is his hardship in the future.think f how you will come out of it..victorious:)For you.
    I worked in a real estate agency for almost 30 yrs.. as a realtor..
    I was quite different from the others:)

    But it was a a wonderful people experience..and my clients brought me great joy..90% of them:)

    Continue.. tu verras.. un jour ..tout ira mieux~

  2. After all these days, it was sooo good to hear from u Vi! From ur words it is clear that u have fought ur deamons well... Wishing u the very best in life :-)