I am going to try and come back to blogging.
I've been better lately,so much better. My sisters moved back home which has been tremendous help! I don't really have any friends here so I'd never been more alone as I was for the last few months. It was miserable. I went to work in the morning and sat at home after, and that was my routine. But now we go out, and do things, and I feel like a human again.
I miss him, but its different. He's no longer on my mind all day, and I no longer wait for his name to appear. I've sort of forgotten him. Let him go. But I'm still all alone. And I don't believe in it ever getting better.
Other than that, I'm now working at a real estate agency which is not too fun. But I need money so there's nothing else to do. In case I haven't explained that earlier, after everything that happened this summer I had to take a year off uni, but now I'm not even sure if I can go back next year as my family is broke and we're in a desperate situation. I hate my father for having triggered this. But whatever, cant grieve forever. I'm working and I'm doing nothing remarkable with my life. I wrote a lot of my novel in the last couple of months but now I've reached a stall. I can't write, nor do I want to. Maybe it's the anti depressants. I've become dumber. I literally cant think. Things that used to be instinct to me now feel foreign and I cant grasp them. I want to talk to my doctor about going off them but I know my family will be against it, which makes this almost impossible. But I hate being like this. If I'm not writing, I'm wasting my time. Writing is the only thing that can get me out of this.
And that's pretty much it really. I have no revolutionary ideas to share anymore. I've gone dry.