A wednesday at work. No excitement. Except my boss just came to talk to me. That was interesting. She told me that if I want to succeed in this business I have to be more hands on, and she's right of course. She told me I look sad, and don't seem to enjoy the job. She's hit the jackpot there. I hate the job. If I had the means for it I'd quit today. But that's just mindless dreaming.
I wish I could have told her the truth, but she's my boss, not my best friend. I did however tell her about my schizophrenia, and that I'm on anti depressants, which is the reason apparently for why I'm so calm and asleep all of the time. I want to get off medication. That's something I have to talk to my doctor about. Except I'm scared to relapse. To fall down again. Either way, I almost felt like crying when I spoke to her. Thank god I didn't.
There's 3 hours and 20 minutes left of work. That's what I do everyday, just countdown til I cant get the hell out of here. And that's no way to live, I know that, but how can you make yourself enjoy something that you dont? And what the hell would I enjoy anyway? I could quit of course, but where else is there to go? The next place will be just as bad. If not worse.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Power through I guess. Hold my breath and keep working, become more hands on, wake the hell up. What the fuck has my life come to?