Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A leap of faith

I'm sat in the most beautiful park on a cold winter morning. There are pigeons around me, resting in the grass and then flying off somewhere, far and beautiful I imagine. I wish I could feel life more. Like, really feel it. You know what I mean? I don't want to miss a moment of this, I want to be painfully aware of everything.
My fingers are frozen but I keep writing. Writing is my form of living. This past few months have been a lot about self-discovery. I found myself in a beautiful foreign city, and I realized that that doesn't make life any easier. You still have to find yourself, you still need to figure it all out. I know that my world has to somehow shape around words. They are the whole foundation of my sanity. I cannot conceive of a world where I can't come to the park one winter morning and write about the rose petals, or the rain drops, or the wind blowing in my face and telling me secrets.
I believe in life only when I write about it. Do you believe in me?
Because this is a giant leap that I'm taking. I think I'm ready to take it though. I'm ready to accept that I was born merely for this, to immortalize a fleeting moment. But you'll be disappointed, I know this. And I can't help but think that partly this is all my fault, I fed you lies for so many years, I created another me, a strong girl you could be proud of, and now that I'm ready to reveal my real self, you won't believe it. I never wanted to be strong, I just wanted to be real. And if fragile is what makes real, then I'll be fragile.
I'll be fragile. Will you still love me in the morning?


  1. Simply beautiful!
    That's what matters in the end,being real.One would be a fool not to love that.


  2. It is lovely..I am listening to CDs.. Eckhart Tolle that my friend lent me..I will look at the title.. it is a second series she has lent me and this one.. well the second CD is lovely..about the beauty of a flower.. etc..I think you would enjoy cds like this..Thought provoking..deep..spiritual..

  3. Yes I will! (But I still think that the other you you've just created is still you and exists for a reason, the same way a car needs brakes and gas pedals to make stops or run faster).

    And BTW, many thanks. You certainly has treat us very well with all these posts. Happy Holidays (just an expression)!!!